When I was about 15 years old and hellbent on going to film school, I set up a word press film blog. My first film review was of Nicholas Refn's 2008 British classic 'Bronson'. The purpose was not so much to disseminate this information publicly for any benefit or recognition. I had zero technical knowledge of filmmaking and was well aware that simply having an obscure (albeit fantastic, if I do say so myself) film collection on DVD and an obsessive ear for Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo's podcast were not exactly stellar credentials for establishing credibility within the online film review sphere. Yet, these 'brain dumps' I collated after witnessing a new piece of cinema, seriously helped expand my understanding of these films and unpack their nuance. It's one thing to be moved (for better or for worse) by a film and another to be able to concisely communicate how a moving image can invoke such strong emotions, pinpoint where it hits in the psyche and unravel why certain themes, lines of dialogue or metaphors have such an impact...or disappointingly, have no impact. I wish I knew the name of that film blog. I wish I could go back and reread those adolescent ramblings. They were instrumental in solidifying my desire to go and study film theory and retrospectively, I can now see that this seemingly trivial activity was in fact a manifestation of my life's task revealing itself to me.


I first came across the notion of a person's 'life's task' in the stunning book 'Mastery' by Robert Greene. Whilst I struggled somewhat with his well known books 'The 48 Laws of Power' and 'The Art of Seduction' due to their unapologetically blunt and machismo language, this same rhetoric is what made the contents of 'Mastery' resonate to my very core. I read this book in September 2024. The year had already been a tough one for me professionally to put it lightly. Freelance documentary work and photography had pretty much ground to a halt. Financially, spiritually and motivationally , I was on my arse. I had little direction or belief in what I was doing and was somehow just about scraping by. It wasn't until moths later I heard the expressions 'Endure 24' and 'Survive to 25' within the TV and Film Industry, but this was definitely an accurate representation of my sentiment at the time and towards the year as a whole looking back on it. For those that havent read 'Mastery' I implore you to do so. They should put it on school reading lists! I cannot sing its praises enough. It's a revelatory take on the journey's, mindsets and principles applied by some of history's most prolific figures in ascertaining greatness and the hurdles that must be overcome to attain mastery in your given field. More than that, its a reminder and roadmap for those like me that had lost their way. Its a not so gentle nudge to help you discover or indeed rediscover your 'life's task' so you can propel forwards towards achieving eminence, deep satisfaction and artistry on your chosen path. The excerpt that solidified this book as a prophetic and life changing piece of literature to me presented itself at the start of the first chapter (Strong start to a book ey!) titled 'Discover your calling: The Life's Task' and read as follows:


"You possess a kind of inner force that seeks to guide you toward your Life's Task - what you are meant to accomplish in the time that you have to live. In childhood this force was clear to you. It directed you toward activities and subjects that fit your natural inclinations...In the intervening years, the force tends to fade in and out as you listen more to parents and peers... The first move towards mastery is always inward - learning who you really are and reconnecting with that innate force...it is never to late to start this process". - Robert Greene, Mastery.


Reading this book was the first of two major triggers for me in establishing the clarity and drive I now feel with my career and creativity entering 2025. Whilst I am eternally grateful for the past 3 years working and growing as a freelance documentary director and photographer and will continue to work and grow in this field, I believe I had lost sight of that childlike obsession and pull I felt towards immersing myself in the world of cinema and fiction. I have written numerous fiction pieces over the past 3 years but have lacked the confidence to bring any of them to fruition. Fast forward to December 2024. I was helping my step dad move house and unearthed a small part of my esoteric DVD collection from my teenage years. Combining this experience with reading 'Mastery' shook me and whilst it took me a couple of weeks to realise it, discovering this treasure trove of films was a very emotional and poignant moment for me. It served as the second trigger and a poignant reminder that I never achieved my dream of going to film school. The words of Robert Greene have since echoed within me that 'It is never too late to start this process'. Whilst there are many moments and projects to be grateful for, 2024 has been a melting pot of quite literal survival, experiencing significant creative frustration and rejection, unparalleled doubt and lack of self belief and overarching confusion and direction with my craft. It has been a year of stagnation where the waters of my creativity have been circulating but never free flowing in any meaningful direction of growth. I realise that this year, I have been denying the need for significant change because until these moments of clarity mentioned above, there was no indication as to the trajectory of this change. How can you plot a course when your destination, direction and vessel for travel are so obscured? I feel for everyone who combines their passion with their livelihood, its a battleground equally full of both victories and losses that we must accept wholly with an open heart. Its both a blessing and a hardship. But if this blog entry services any purpose, let it remind you that your 'Life's Task' is profoundly important and meaningful and if you're feeling resistance creativity like I have...Go back to your childhood. Go back to the moments that lit you up. Go back to those times you felt totally aligned in your thoughts, speech and actions. If everything feels out of whack you may just need to tune back in to your life's task.


Next week, I'm going to The National Film and Television School to attend a short course in writing and directing fictional short films. It's a physically small but symbolically colossal step in reacquainting myself with my life's task and I couldn't feel more inspired or electrified creatively. I also plan on using this blog to write about some of my favourite new pieces of cinema ...Teenage Grace would be incredibly proud of me right now. I'm honouring her inquisitiveness and passions and I feel more in touch with my intuition than I have done in quite some time. Your inner child has a lot of knowledge, don't forget to listen to her and remember her once in a while.